You can’t fake empathy — and the leaders who demonstrate it boost both morale and retention.
Imagine you are in a tense meeting, and despite everyone’s best efforts, the conversation is going in circles. Frustrations are mounting, and it feels like people are talking past one another. This scenario was pretty common when we met face to face, let alone with the increased distance between employees now that so many of us are working remotely or in hybrid settings.
People have a lot going on in their lives and we can never assume what’s behind someone’s bad day or miscommunication. Empathy has become somewhat of a buzzword, but it’s the real solution to this situation and at its core, it just means making the effort to see from another’s perspective. When we fail to show empathy, we may end up having the wrong conversation. Instead of seeking to understand everybody’s different communication styles, we might get defensive and spend our time trying to “win” the discussion.
On the other hand, empathetic communication actually builds trust. Nobody can be forced to have empathy, and everyone is wired differently, but as leaders we can model this quality and create the conditions conducive to empathy. That’s the game-changer.
Recognize the Human on the Other Side
A lot of empathetic communication happens between the lines. It requires paying attention to nonverbal cues and taking an emotional temperature gauge of a conversation. If that sounds a lot of effort, remember there is so much going on under the surface of our communications, whether we choose to be aware or not.
One theory of nonverbal communication breaks it down into the three C’s: context, clusters, and congruence. Congruence takes account of whether someone’s spoken words are consistent with their body language and tone. Context relates to the environment (the workplace, for example), and the history and relationship between the two speakers (any power dynamic). Clusters refers to using multiple expressions to interpret someone’s body language rather than making a one-off judgment.
It’s easy to forget that real people with real lives, complete with their own stresses and motivations, are on the receiving end of your messages. So, first pay attention to the context of their mindset in order to make sure you are on the same page. If you are very open about valuing their perspective, any creative tension can then be used to move the discussion forward. This mutual respect allows both parties to remove their work masks for a brief moment, and simply connect as humans.
At Firehouse, we make it a practice to state our intentions upfront before a meeting starts. That removes a lot of the second-guessing about people’s motivations and whether constructive criticism is just that, not a veiled personal dig. By bringing both congruence and context into conscious awareness, everyone can relax and actively listen to what is actually being said.
Build Trust Through Authentic Connection
Leaders need to get over the idea that the “soft” skill of empathy is somehow optional or at worst, an indulgence. We made it a practice to double down on listening to our employees during the pandemic and see what practical help we could offer — including full coverage of mental health support. We have since made this kind of human-centered engagement standard and I believe it’s one of the reasons we won the Ad Age Best Places to Work award.
Regularly checking in on each other’s well-being before diving into business sets a positive tone and shows that you care. You could begin with a few minutes of casual chat. Ask open-ended questions like, “How’s your week going?” or “Did anyone do something fun over the weekend?”
You can’t fake empathy — people will know. One study found that over half of employees (52%) felt their company’s attempts to be empathetic toward them were dishonest and 47% said company promises were not kept. As leaders, we have to walk the talk. It is one thing to be empathetic, but if it’s not followed through with substantive action, the disconnect can be devastating for morale.
We also need to address the myth that empathy is a fixed trait and that it involves selfless giving. If we look at nursing, an occupation where empathy is vital to patient care, empathy actually protects people from burnout. It has also been proven that empathy is a skill that can be developed over time. Leaders may even find that allowing themselves to be seen as less than perfect frees them from the burden of maintaining the old-school veneer of unquestioned authority.
Lead with Emotional Intelligence
Empathetic leaders find creative ways to connect with their teams and clients, even in the face of challenges. Showing up for your team, even when it requires personal sacrifice, builds long-term loyalty. It is not always easy to quantify but there are four main benefits to this kind of empathetic leadership:
It is a powerful tool that allows you to address people’s needs proactively.
Combining emotional intelligence with authentic human connection builds trust and rapport.
Showing people you value their well-being and contributions encourages open communication, reduces stress, and enhances morale.
Staying agile and finding creative ways to connect helps navigate challenges more effectively.
With AI automating so many labor-intensive processes, it’s time to become more human-centered, not less. We cannot afford to pursue efficiency at the expense of the welfare of our people. While there is a tendency to minimize the value of small, everyday acts of empathy and presence, these are actually the connective tissue that keeps teams operating with motivation and clarity.
Empathy doesn’t begin at the top, but when leaders embed this quality into the culture, it gives permission to everybody to let down their guard and be human. And we have found that there’s nothing more conducive to creativity and innovation than feeling safe, understood, and acknowledged. Far from “soft,” decades of evidence show empathy is our new superpower — let’s use it wisely.
